Assertiveness & Boundaries: Part One--Two sides of the same coin
In today's blog entry, I am just going to provide some simple defintions of assertiveness and boundaries. I would suggest reading the upcoming or next installments to understand the ins and outs of these two superpowers.
Assertiveness--What is it?
First let's define assertiveness: Assertiveness is a way of expressing yourself and communicating your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a confident and respectful manner. It means standing up for yourself and expressing your opinions and desires without being aggressive or disrespectful towards others. When you are assertive, you express your thoughts and feelings clearly, listen to others with an open mind, and set boundaries that protect your rights and values. Being assertive helps you to communicate effectively and maintain healthy relationships with others.
In Real Life...
Ah...an assertive person, they are like the unicorns of the emotional spectrum. Warm but firm. Fun but responsible. Who are these people? A person who is assertive has learned some universal truths. This person is not apt to say much. In fact, they may seem guarded and at the same time genuince. If it seems like we are on a see-saw or creating some confusing Venn Diagram, you are not far off. One of the universal truths is balance and managing our tolerance to deal with uncertainty. It's about finding a balance between being too passive (not expressing yourself) and being too aggressive (being overly forceful or confrontational). Look out for Part 2 to get more on Assertiveness.
Boundaries--What is it?
Boundaries can be thought of as invisible lines that we create to protect ourselves and define what is acceptable or comfortable for us. Boundaries help us establish limits on how we interact with others and how they can treat us. Boundaries also "come and go." What I mean by that, is we have to set boundaries with ourselves as well. We may want to stay up late every night, but how is that helpful to us? Sometimes we have to say "no" to our own urges and impulses.
Boundaries can exist in different areas of our lives, such as personal space, emotions, time, and relationships. Setting boundaries means recognizing and valuing your own needs and feelings. It's like drawing a line that shows others what you're okay with and what you're not. Boundaries help you maintain a healthy balance between taking care of yourself and being considerate of others.
Remember, boundaries can vary from person to person, and it's essential to communicate them clearly to others. It's okay to say no when something doesn't feel right or when you need some time for yourself. Respecting your boundaries and respecting others' boundaries is an important part of building healthy relationships and taking care of yourself.
In Real Life...
A boundary is not a boundary without self-love, assertiveness, and confidence (and maybe some other things). A boundary without those things is a rule or a stress response. Hear me out. Let's say I am anxious all week because I fear being embarrassed over an assignment at work and do not take the time to care for myself. That Wednesday, a friend asks me to handout that weekend. I may say no, not because I am setting a boundary, but because I didn't set a boundary in the first place. Like, assertiveness, boundaries work when balance is involved. I needed to set a boundary with myself and, possibly, work. I didn't take care of my anxiety. As a result, I set a rule to manage my stress response. Now, I am missing out on something that may have been beneficial, like socializing with friends. A boundaried person is a person who understands their limits and healthily strives (not perfect) to fulfill their role. They are not driven by fear but by their values. If you are wondering how do I get there? Or, I want to be that assertive and boundaried person, please check out WWW.INVICTUS-COUNSELING.COM.
We'll talk about boundaries more in Part 2 of Assertiveness and Boundaries.
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